Thursday, July 13, 2006

"To all of you who have figured this out the hard way...

I love it when I am doing the exact opposite of what you want me to. It makes my day. Like the 3 year old obstinate faced tot who could not stand the thought of going near tomatoes.

Yes it has given me a really stubborn streak. I love it - makes it easier to be determined. A how will that not happen if I want it to.

The only the time I lost that war was long back in adolescence when I wanted it all and ofcourse adolescent love is ephemeral.

Turn that on its head - I now love to make you suffer. I love to watch your dreams of forever crumble. I feel like I have done you a favour - look this is what we live in. So get with it.

Forevers are in that second when you are happy, no, they do not last. So move on and shift up.

Of course we can still be friends.

Also it has to do with all this pretentious ownership. All this 'she is mine to be wife and mum of my kids' deal.

I am here to dance, enjoy a while and leave to a better place. And no there isn't room for two. You're not allowed to come with me, your reasons dont pass the grade.

You want to come where ever I will be because not that it will be paradise on earth, not beacause you might make the best friends in your life, you want to tag along. And that makes you disqualified. Like in a running race in school. Simple.

Travel to where I am when you want to smell the ocean. When my daily schedule is not your basis for an itenary.

When we happen to meet only because we enjoy the same hangouts. Please spare me the it will be fun together. No it wont.

I will want to party till morning dancing with anyone willing to keep up. I will then want to drive for miles only to return safe. I will want to maybe stay indoors on a glorious weather day... All this without feeling like I have to make you feel at ease or stick to your plans.

Am I being unreasonable? Yes ofcourse. I'd much rarther be a painful teenager about this than take you along only to make it a boring for you and a horror for me to have you along but bored.

I am unreasonable. I am selfish and cruel. I am not content and the trouble really is - I don't want to be. A friend scared me by just saying she was. It's an epidemic of growing up. I refuse to catch it.

Maybe I am getting lost in words and should stop. Clarity is of the essence here.

I am free."

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