Another lifetime passes us by and in more ways than one.

You know I mean last year, you know I mean this feels too strange – this new place new folk and you not here. I am a sentimental sop. I know. But in another day another way I could sort of pretend I woke up this morning in your arms. I could pretend we never did end. That the walls are painted blue and the blanket is kept warm.

So you pack up. and i hope you didn't play radiohead... you walk down the stairs, the last of the cardboard boxes unloaded from house into van.

maybe you absent mindedly lock the dor key in your pocket as usual, but then maybe you didn't. putting them down on the semi circle table that wasn't always there. it must have seemed so strange - pouring out the 7:20 tescos orange juice and crunchy nut for the last time in that kitchen. i wonder - did you make a last cup of tigger tea?

the end on an era you call it. And though I pride myself in being a word smith - you get things said right more often. I will miss thinking of you and your room your house your world map on the wall, the secret CowMadWoman door that now leads to B's room.

I will miss the initial - our space when BH had just moved in, when i was scared of CowMadWoman (who wouldnt be??!!!)... When it was all new and mine to live how i wanted to. I will miss number 55 in all its ways and seasons... like i know you will too. possibly a lot more than i might.

era: people have changed faces in that house, people moved in and out, daffodils have srung from mud. I only saw the snowdrops!!! J plays werid noises that we all accept as music - new and great. Aphex Twin will give nightmares still tho...

take care of you in the Wilds we love! And yes, do remember - a patch of amazon with its own patch of seamless sky is yours to own someday!

Folk like us - wandering through life, make nests so precious only to tear them down. Some self destruct mode we function on. i sometimes wonder - do we tire of wandering? do we the non-ordinary crave for the ordinary joys of home and hearth?

do we? will I give up happily to marriage and babies? will you?






"Home Life"

I think I'm gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
I am not a nomad
I am not a rocket man
I was born a house cat
By the slight of my mother's hand

I think I'm gonna stay home

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I used to be in my M-Z now
You'll never find me cause my name isn't there

Home life
Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I want to see the end game
I want to learn her last name
Finish on a Friday
And sit in traffic on the highway
See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to home life

Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I can tell you this much
I will marry just once
And if it doesn't work out
Give her half of my stuff
It's fine with me
We said eternity
And I will go to my grave
With the life that I gave
Not just some melody line
On a radio wave
It dissipates
And soon evaporates
But home life doesn't change

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I'd love to walk to where we can both talk but
I've got to leave you cause my ride is here

Home life
You keep the home life
You take the home life
I'll come back for the home life
I promise

- John Mayer

bear with me:

is this why we brash vain amoral indian women like our vitie men???

*OKAY for all you Indian boys I know read quote in article*

my likies news like we might have got the first pic of the ader's duikar (in Hindi the english word "do" is said like "kar" - heeheheh do-kar)...

Also - check out this blog. me likies lots!

And this one too!

"What you are to me...

Beside my eyes
The answer lies
Something i can't see
Another day
Another way
So they say to me, to me

to me... to me..."

-unkle

I mean seriously, JO! you're right man - Quote unquote her's wat jo said:

It's like god went bonkers and here's wat turned up...

Order after chaos

Silence deafens me
Cavernous space returns
Order after chaos
I sit alone and empty

No more Mogwai
Yppah-ness has left me
Songs of silent sorrow
Whispers in the wind

A presence is missing
Morning embrace
A kiss
And warmth

Only sad panders remain

and now that i am gone...

for hanne barb and all those lovely lovely folk who have adored this man's attempt at pure genius!

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began...

It was a DArrrrrk AND Storrrrrrrrmy night... And the Captain said to the First Mate : Tell Us a Stttorrrrryy. And so He began... ... ...

the burning crusade
blood elves (hell yes!)
flying mounts

the ghosts where the hell are you???

catchya on the death fields

- Dienasty

guys please dont sue me for this!!!!! i just loved the video... reminded me of "getting ready" for partying nights away...

yppah - its not the same

I have kissed a girl. She is lovely – picks me up from airport, tucks me in bed, shares her everything with me. It is cold now – I wear mittens and socks, mismatched. I listen to music to keep me going… I make a messy life. But you should know that by now. I will fall in love. I know.

I have looked out into darkened valley – the town you grew up in, you both. I find it alarming that I love siblings – but should I find it alarming? I can see bits of you in him, bits of him (that are just him) reminding me who is older between you both. I am still the baby. I know. *smiles soft kitten like*

And yes there is an itch. I don’t think it’ll ever fade – don’t think I want it to… What if there nothing better out in the world and this (I can live without – but WON’T!) slips through my hands. Have I become a workaholic at 21 – nothing means more to me. Well not anymore. I would have given anything to change over to normality and live with you. Yes, I say it too late. I know.

I feel like emotions have gone into long term hibernation – why doesn’t anyone mean much to me? Please let this be a phase… It has to be – all this monetary, work, employment, housing, relationship stress has caused a temporary shut down. A temporary shut down. I can’t feel deeply (anything) for anyone. Help. Melodrama you say. Are you scared if it isn’t? Drama you still maintain. I know.

Songs used to help me release, then I shut up, yes sometimes I do shut up. Not verbally, but small talk (okay - interesting small talk) is an art. That sentence reminds me of the hardest conversations I have had in recent times, pretending that you didn’t know that I knew you were pretending to see me. That you weren’t breaking audibly like I have too long ago. If only I had looked past words – if only? Then what? Couldn’t have done a thing – I am made to hurt you with brutal honesty, which is why I believe that I am only temporarily shut down. Honestly – I am not pretending – I fall in love for real. I was happy for real. I am not now, haven’t been for a while. Need closure on so many things… proper – lets sit down say our piece – closure. Is there any other kind? If you walk away without giving notice sometimes is it better? Shall I leave? Will that work? Will I just carry you, you, you and you with me – dead in a sack on my shoulder? Bogging me down as I do you. Songs that help me release a torrential downpour don’t work anymore. I am angry. But – it isn’t your fault sweetheart. None at all… it’s just I need to live a little more before I call it quits. You know? Die a few more times. Forevers for a few more days – fairies in the garden sing songs to the ephemeral. My memories are happy. I may lose out on this – but I have that. I have had that. Born lucky. Could I be more loved? Yes (ungrateful I know). But can I live happy with what I have got so far? Yes… Greed though… greed in me – I know.

Devil woman and evil alien meat eater like smelling eachother


*sigh*

sitting on the tube

if going everywhere feels like a homecoming then do i really know where i want to be?


















must enrol mee self on a sketching course. MUST.

HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT HIM?
(can Kylie be me please)


She's freaky and she knows it
She's freaky and I like it

Listen

She grabs the yellow bottle
She likes the way it hits her lips
She gets to the bottom
It sends her on a trip so right
She might be goin' home with me tonight

She looks like a model
Except she's got a little more ass
Don't even bother
Unless you've got that thing she likes
I hope she's goin' home with me tonight

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

She's freaky and she knows it
She's freaky, but I like it

She shuts the room down
The way she walks and causes a fuss
The baddest in town
She's flawless like some uncut ice
I hope she's goin' home with me tonight

And all she wants is to dance
That's why you'll find her on the floor
But you don't have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That's why she's goin' home with me tonight

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned from everywhere
She's bad and she knows
I think that she knows
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]


Now dance
Little girl
You're freaky, but I like it
Hot damn!
Let me put my funk on this one time

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned from everywhere
She's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
I think I'm love stoned
She's got me love stoned

I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh
I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
I'm love stoned from everywhere and she knows
I think that she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh

And now I walk around without a care
She's got me hooked
It just ain't fair, but I...
I'm love stoned and I could swear
That she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh
She knows, she knows, oh, oh

this is a stupid cruel joke i am not playing anymore. lovers who want to tell me what i mean to them after all hell has broken loose can leave right now.