the burning crusade
blood elves (hell yes!)
flying mounts

the ghosts where the hell are you???

catchya on the death fields

- Dienasty

guys please dont sue me for this!!!!! i just loved the video... reminded me of "getting ready" for partying nights away...

yppah - its not the same

I have kissed a girl. She is lovely – picks me up from airport, tucks me in bed, shares her everything with me. It is cold now – I wear mittens and socks, mismatched. I listen to music to keep me going… I make a messy life. But you should know that by now. I will fall in love. I know.

I have looked out into darkened valley – the town you grew up in, you both. I find it alarming that I love siblings – but should I find it alarming? I can see bits of you in him, bits of him (that are just him) reminding me who is older between you both. I am still the baby. I know. *smiles soft kitten like*

And yes there is an itch. I don’t think it’ll ever fade – don’t think I want it to… What if there nothing better out in the world and this (I can live without – but WON’T!) slips through my hands. Have I become a workaholic at 21 – nothing means more to me. Well not anymore. I would have given anything to change over to normality and live with you. Yes, I say it too late. I know.

I feel like emotions have gone into long term hibernation – why doesn’t anyone mean much to me? Please let this be a phase… It has to be – all this monetary, work, employment, housing, relationship stress has caused a temporary shut down. A temporary shut down. I can’t feel deeply (anything) for anyone. Help. Melodrama you say. Are you scared if it isn’t? Drama you still maintain. I know.

Songs used to help me release, then I shut up, yes sometimes I do shut up. Not verbally, but small talk (okay - interesting small talk) is an art. That sentence reminds me of the hardest conversations I have had in recent times, pretending that you didn’t know that I knew you were pretending to see me. That you weren’t breaking audibly like I have too long ago. If only I had looked past words – if only? Then what? Couldn’t have done a thing – I am made to hurt you with brutal honesty, which is why I believe that I am only temporarily shut down. Honestly – I am not pretending – I fall in love for real. I was happy for real. I am not now, haven’t been for a while. Need closure on so many things… proper – lets sit down say our piece – closure. Is there any other kind? If you walk away without giving notice sometimes is it better? Shall I leave? Will that work? Will I just carry you, you, you and you with me – dead in a sack on my shoulder? Bogging me down as I do you. Songs that help me release a torrential downpour don’t work anymore. I am angry. But – it isn’t your fault sweetheart. None at all… it’s just I need to live a little more before I call it quits. You know? Die a few more times. Forevers for a few more days – fairies in the garden sing songs to the ephemeral. My memories are happy. I may lose out on this – but I have that. I have had that. Born lucky. Could I be more loved? Yes (ungrateful I know). But can I live happy with what I have got so far? Yes… Greed though… greed in me – I know.

Devil woman and evil alien meat eater like smelling eachother


*sigh*

sitting on the tube

if going everywhere feels like a homecoming then do i really know where i want to be?


















must enrol mee self on a sketching course. MUST.

HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT HIM?
(can Kylie be me please)


She's freaky and she knows it
She's freaky and I like it

Listen

She grabs the yellow bottle
She likes the way it hits her lips
She gets to the bottom
It sends her on a trip so right
She might be goin' home with me tonight

She looks like a model
Except she's got a little more ass
Don't even bother
Unless you've got that thing she likes
I hope she's goin' home with me tonight

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

She's freaky and she knows it
She's freaky, but I like it

She shuts the room down
The way she walks and causes a fuss
The baddest in town
She's flawless like some uncut ice
I hope she's goin' home with me tonight

And all she wants is to dance
That's why you'll find her on the floor
But you don't have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That's why she's goin' home with me tonight

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned from everywhere
She's bad and she knows
I think that she knows
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]


Now dance
Little girl
You're freaky, but I like it
Hot damn!
Let me put my funk on this one time

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned from everywhere
She's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She's got me love stoned
I think I'm love stoned
She's got me love stoned

I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh
I think that she knows, think that she knows, oh, oh

[chorus]
Those flashing lights come from everywhere
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
I'm love stoned from everywhere and she knows
I think that she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh

And now I walk around without a care
She's got me hooked
It just ain't fair, but I...
I'm love stoned and I could swear
That she knows
Think that she knows, oh, oh
She knows, she knows, oh, oh

this is a stupid cruel joke i am not playing anymore. lovers who want to tell me what i mean to them after all hell has broken loose can leave right now.

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown...

Annie Lennox- No more I love you's

why annie lennox? cuz nothing else fits as well.

On the road again… Comparing capital cities, same to same. Their tip top clubs, their made up faces – all real lives. Just different. I thrive on the coast – lazy days (hakuna haraka), slow paces and yet a full life. Lamu – I am in love. Yes M I know you are too. Said my goodbyes. Kissed some lovers who still are, didn’t kiss one – circumstances dictate personal distances. I have cried cuz I have missed you and missed out on having you closer.

You know who you are…

But maybe we’ll meet again and have the time of our lives then. Maybe most dreams do come true. I am different and yet the same from years before. Grown up? Possibly. I must admit – naivety has fled. Will download songs soon:

Yppah
The knife
Bonobo
Melisa ferrick

Innocence remains in a candid smile and a hopelessly in love kiss.

Will be posting more often now that laptop and internet can be accessed. Listening to Aha. Why did I think this was “mommy’s time” music…? Mum?? Missing most people I know loads. Yet still young enough to go ahead and make new lives. Such good luck. Will be job hunting (do I hear an echo of – wake up n smell the coffee??). Will be fun – one hopes. One does only hope I guess. And try like hell.

Life come to me.

Aha – Analogue.

Another song they sing, sings true – “Summer moved on, and the way it goes – you can’t tag along. Honey moved out and the way it went – leaves no doubt.”

So a month dies and I am on the move soon again. Leaving always kills a part of my heart – it now beats on 5 continents with different people. So I hope I have a whole heartedness because I carry a piece of yours and yours and yours and yours.

My laptop has been resuscitated. IT IS ALIVE! Hee. So I type. German techno is good stuff! Wolfsheim – Once in a lifetime. (corny lyrics so rule!)

Will try and put on the songs soon!

“Standing here on the shores of destiny – I am feeling lonely. Calm down my heart, don’t beat so fast, don’t be afraid just once in a lifetime.”


Ps: clubbin this evening – Play “Swahili – English Reggaeton”!!!

Kenya.

The healing healer reading medical tomes in catacombs before being tested pure by fire and guide in ancient mother country India:

Precious are memories of us together. I love you now – like family. like a permanency of my life. You won’t cast me away on days pained, I can’t be cruel to you. We both: imperfect to an imperfect world – with worries and trauma of body mind soul. To each other we are always 13 or 12, we are always angels, perfect. This my stability my anchor.

For more than 2 yrs (?) more (?) I haven’t been religion tolerant. I have shunned all links to “it”. Not enjoyed stained glass and staircases in churches like I used to. Haven’t stepped into temples willingly. Haven’t thought of exploring homes of gods. Haven’t read that of spiritual or godly knowledge.

You suddenly force my hand, sending me on a childish mission – a small verse in the bible. I have to know your entire message and unthinkingly ask for the book and page number. Gladly handed to me by another.

For a second I look back on years passed without a daily dosage of religion in my life. Not barren nor missed – just absent. TV and music taking its place. Book with those 3 lines seems tad heavier just now. Silly. I do read the verse you send – I read it and become just what you want the message to state I am. My shoulders are yours to burden, my embrace always as it has been a shelter. You in turn are my sanity, my innocence and my saviour too.

Whats happening to me?

It’s late – past midnight. I’m lying in bed staring into space. There’s no one that I can call, I’m all alone. Don’t want to wake anyone, don’t want to disturb people. There’s no use anyway, they’ll only get worried. I’m scared – for the first time, I’m winding myself up, thinking upon things too much. The problem is that they won’t go away. They are getting worse. I noticed 2 more this evening – they weren’t there this morning, I’m sure. They are small but itchy – they are spreading. I keep telling people that I’m not contagious, but I must be – it’s consuming me, bit by bit, the sores are covering me & I can’t do anything about it. The doctors worried now, my immune system might not cope. They have referred me back to the hospital. I sit at home & wait for them to call. Nothing.

I don’t work; I just sit & lose myself. The years of intense work, just gone to waist. I feel myself beginning to vegetate. I don’t even seem to care anymore. I think about crying but what would it achieve. I have to be strong. After all they are only skin rashes – right. That’s what I tell people. I don’t want them to worry. But now, today, things are getting worse, they have started to bleed – the cream isn’t working & I don’t know what to do. I have to wait to see a specialist – he only works Tuesday afternoon. That’s tomorrow & I don’t have an appointment yet. It will be at least a week then. Another week of not knowing. I don’t know what is going to happen. I’m scared.

“come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be…”

The bum shape left in the sand reminds her of a day in the past, and hopefully also in the future… blue is lovely colour, misunderstood for sadness. Toes covered in wet sand, dreams of shelled castles built and destroyed.

She is whimsical and is a girl. Loves her space and being pampered. She is the girl you see fly a kite every Thursday as a mid-week treat… Then she’d talk to you – if you were feeling leery or sober, calculative or innocent. She couldn’t care for your frame of mind if you spoke to her on the beach.

Would cry if the kite was lost, but give it away back to the kid she bought it from after an hour’s play. You would shake your head in knowing her childlike smile and her toddler tantrums… She loves your bike more than you sometimes. You would let her… now – wouldn’t you?

Her room fluctuates between abject messes to a whole day of cleaning and decorating. She will make you birthday cards, still, not buy them at Hallmark. She writes like she is – whimsical, dancing.

After all she is she.

Her world is more real in her head and she can un-wrap the masks everyone wears. You would let her too… She might even claim to know you better than anyone else. Then again she might be right. She is naïve but can hold-her-own-thankyou-very-much… She pouts for attention when she already has it. She sulks and she makes love with her eyes.

She pretends to be a boy and gets away with it – for a while. She unfolds out of bed and stretches like a kitten only for your attention. She loves shaggy dogs!

I am full of me… upto the brim and overflowing for you to scoop up and savour… This bum shape on the beach is mine as is this world – glass marble won in dirt on my palm.

We saw our first Black Mamba this morning.


We were in the car and are reporting alive.

My favourite lichen stoner talks to me about Duikers -

" Is this a red one? The pellet is a bit big for blue"

" I think it is a blue one..."

" a big blue one?"

" a BIG FAT blue one!"

" a BIG FAT OVERFED blue one!!"

" a BIG on STEROIDS like blue one!!!"

*sigh... field work is lovable...*

The womb of humanity. I stand under a gigantic Baobab – I touch and kiss its grey stem, look at spiral roads upwards… Shade my eyes from sunlight, my clothes heavier carry earth in them. I wish I could stand through centuries, be a solemn witness.

Life would be safe among sacred ruins of a merchant town now populated by Baobab. They look after other subjects: the desert rose, neem from across the ocean, sykes monkeys and African harrier hawks. Africa… Ancient and alive.

All around me – the earth here is reflected in this tree, you are ancient and alive, barely. Barely… Humanity left and forgot you. The visitors will never know (and I don’t) how it was, how it could be. Looking through transparent shut windows into other lives provides exactly that much of a square space to look at.

You Baobab have seen it and felt it and grown - in it and above it… You Afrikaan people, your many beautiful tribes, you all different and yet the same today. I stand in awe and in sadness at the wisdom we have lost. We are a numb generation, not disillusioned but broken. I try to imagine what it could be like – you and me. But my growing up has stunted my mind. I cannot comprehend your elders and your names mean so much that I can’t understand. But be assured I am a friend of you and yours… I too come from an old land forgotten, not of course the womb of all man and any man, but I too respect wisdom and although the new fangled way is the only path to survival I too wail the death of the old, of the wise, of the immortal who’ve left us behind, who we have deliberately forgotten.

I may lie on a beach and laugh at my bikini tan, but I will not help but cry when the Baobabs live not… on this land on this earth…